Bush on First
By Diana Hsieh
I am neither a believer in George Bush's alleged stupidity, nor a fan of the "Who's on first?" bit. As such, I almost didn't bother to read this little dialogue. But sheesh, it's really funny.
The President meets Security Manager Condoleezza Rice.
George: Condi! Nice to see you. What's happening?
Condi: Sir, I have the report here about the new leader in China.
George: Great! Lay it on me.
Condi: Hu is the new leader of China.
George: That's what I want to know.
Condi: That's what I'm telling you.
George: That's what I'm asking you. Who is the new leader of China?
Condi: Yes.
George: I mean the fellow's name.
Condi: Hu.
George: The guy in China.
Condi: Hu.
George: The new leader of China.
Condi: Hu.
George: The Chinese guy!
Condi: Hu is leading China.
George: Now whaddya' asking me for?
Condi: I'm telling you Hu is leading China.
George: Well, I'm asking you. Who is leading China?
Condi: That's the man's name.
George: That's who's name?
Condi: Yes.
George: Will you or will you not tell me the name of the new leader of China?
Condi: Yes, Sir.
George: Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I thought he was in the Middle East.
Condi: That's correct.
George: Then who is in China?
Condi: Yes, Sir.
George: Yassir is in China?
Condi: No, Sir.
George: Then who is?
Condi: Yes, Sir.
George: Yassir?
Condi: No, Sir.
George: Look, Condi. I need to know the name of the new leader of China. Get me the Secretary General of the UN on the phone.
Condi: Kofi?
George: No, thanks.
Condi: You want Kofi?
George: No.
Condi: You don't want Kofi?
George: No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk. And then get me the UN.
Condi: Yes, Sir.
George: Not Yassir! The guy in the UN.
Condi: Kofi?
George: Milk! Will you please make the call?
Condi: And call who?
George: Who is the guy at the UN
Condi: Hu is the guy in China.
George: Will you stay out of China?!
Condi: Yes, Sir.
George: And stay out of the Middle East. Just get me the guy at the UN.
Condi: Kofi.
George: All right! With cream and two sugars. Now get on the phone.
Condi: (picks up the phone) Rice here.
George: Rice? Good idea! And a couple of egg rolls, too. Maybe we should send some to the guy in China. And the Middle East. Can you get Chinese food in the Middle East?






I'm
Paul Hsieh is a physician specializing in orthopedic and emergency radiology. He blogs about science, technology, and random humorous items at
Greg Perkins is a software architect working in the R&D labs at Hewlett-Packard, Boise. His degree is in mathematics and computer science. Greg hosts 
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